Best Books on Resolving Marriage Conflicts
Marriage can be challenging. Even the healthiest relationships experience conflicts and rough patches. Learning skills to communicate better, understand your partner’s perspective, and resolve issues in a constructive way is key for a fulfilling marriage.
Books can provide valuable insights into common marital problems and teach techniques to overcome obstacles as a team. Whether you’re newly married or have been together for decades, these books offer practical guidance to strengthen your bond during difficult times.
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
John Gottman is a leading marriage therapist and researcher who can predict with 90% accuracy whether couples will stay together based on observing their communication habits.
In this bestselling book, Gottman shares the results of his 40 years of research and clinical experience to reveal the seven core principles that guide couples on the path to a harmonious and stable marriage.
He provides questionnaires and exercises to assess your relationship strengths and growth areas and help you better understand each other’s needs. You’ll learn conflict resolution skills like how to soften start-up comments to avoid defensiveness and build trust through small acts of kindness.
Gottman’s principles teach you how to focus on positives in your relationship, manage conflicts, and align on shared meaning and goals. This research-based guide provides a roadmap to walk through obstacles together.
2. Fighting for Your Marriage by Howard Markman
From the leading relationship researcher Dr. Markman, this book gives you the tools you need to communicate with your partner, prevent fights from escalating, and resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.
Markman explains how arguments can snowball through the demand-withdrawal pattern and uncoupling behaviors like criticism and contempt.
He teaches you to be more considerate of your partner’s sensitivities, avoid hurtful language, use humor to defuse tension, compromise without bitterness, and unite as a team against your problems.
With self-quizzes and step-by-step advice tailored to different conflict scenarios, this book will empower you to change destructive behaviors that chip away at your bond so you can revive intimacy and positivity in your marriage.
3. The Marriage Clinic by John Gottman
Drawing on four decades of research with thousands of couples, Gottman offers a treasure trove of practical exercises and suggestions to breakdown gridlocked conflicts, improve friendship and admiration between partners, and strengthen your marriage.
This book provides a comprehensive toolbox that teaches you how to better understand each other’s point of views, communicate thoughtfully, reconnect emotionally, and grow together through good and bad times.
Gottman addresses specific issues like infidelity, lack of intimacy, financial problems, and parenting disagreements. His research-based solutions focus on reducing negative interactions and increasing positive expressions to foster a deeper friendship and greater sense of “we-ness”.
4. Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Renowned couples therapist Sue Johnson outlines her Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) techniques that are scientifically proven to strengthen emotional bonds and attachment in romantic relationships.
Johnson explains how destructive arguments arise from each partner feeling emotionally disconnected. By being emotionally responsive, sharing vulnerabilities, and providing comfort during conflicts, you can reinforce your fundamental bond that supports overcoming challenges together.
This book teaches you to be your spouse’s confidant, express yourselves clearly, give your relationship full attention, and preserve intimacy during stressful times. The healing exercises build understanding and emotional positivity so you can resolve issues as a united front.
5. Eight Dates by John Gottman
Co-written with his wife Julie Gottman, this book provides an ingenious eight-date program for couples to reconnect, explore shared goals, and map out their future vision together.
Each themed date offers science-based insights and activities to deepen friendship and understanding to strengthen the foundation of your marriage, whether you feel your relationship is solid or could use improvement.
From sharing important memories to appreciating each other’s journeys to planning practical next steps for realizing your dreams, this book prompts insightful conversations that reignite the spark between partners. It’s an empowering guide for rediscovering your love and paving the road ahead.
6. The Relationship Cure by John Gottman
In this earlier title, Gottman provides a groundbreaking five-step program to overcome negativity and irreconcilable differences that drive couples apart. The steps teach you how to curtail the destructive impacts of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling during conflict.
Gottman arms you with practical tools to identify your bad marriage habits, understand emotions beneath behaviors, accept each other’s needs non-defensively, compromise thoughtfully, and cultivate positive interactions. His research-based approach shows how to strengthen your friendship while addressing problems.
From money issues to intimacy troubles, this book gives you proven strategies to resolve gridlocked conflicts, revive hope, and build a rewarding marriage.
7. 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage by John Gottman
In this compact book, Gottman distills the essential principles and practices to resolve conflicts, deepen intimacy, regain mutual respect, and lay a strong foundation for your marriage.
Gottman teaches you to nurture fondness, replace negativity with positivity, communicate effectively, allow each other to change and grow, unite against problems, and focus on shared dreams.
With seven fundamental conflict resolving steps and key takeaways at the end of each chapter, this is an accessible starter guide to equip you with vital skills for navigating marriage obstacles as a strong, supportive team.
8. The Dance of Intimacy: A New Vision for Love and Relationships by Harriet Lerner
In this insightful book, renowned therapist Harriet Lerner examines the challenges of intimacy in relationships and provides a roadmap for mutual understanding and growth between partners.
Lerner explores how fears of losing independence or facing rejection often hamper our ability to get close to loved ones. She delves into common issues like power struggles, conflicting needs, anger, and distance that strain couples.
Lerner teaches you to have honest conversations, validate each other’s experiences, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate emotional responsiveness.
Blending clinical wisdom with personal vignettes, Lerner thoughtfully addresses complex dynamics in families and couples therapy. She advises readers to focus inward, examining their own desires and anxieties before blaming partners.
Lerner’s discussions on embracing imperfection provide a realistic yet hopeful perspective on the ever-changing dance of intimate relationships.
9. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
This influential book by marriage counselor Gary Chapman identifies the five love languages that shape how different people express care and intimacy in relationships.
The five languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts. Knowing yours and your partner’s primary languages enables you to convey and receive love in ways most meaningful to each other, strengthening mutual understanding.
Chapman explains how to identify your own and learn your partner’s love languages through evaluation tools. He provides tips to improve communication tailored to each language’s nuances.
You’ll gain insights into expressing affection, handling conflicts and keeping romance alive in ways that make your partner feel genuinely loved.
With practical examples and proven advice, this book equips you to nurture a deeper connection, reignite passion and build a lasting, fulfilling relationship.
Choose the Right Book for Your Situation
The books on this list offer a wealth of practical solutions based on extensive research into real couples over decades of marital counselling experience.
Whether your marriage needs first aid or a tune-up, these proven techniques can transform how you and your partner communicate, reconnect emotionally, and solve conflicts cooperatively.
Look through the book summaries and decide which one best suits your needs right now. The right book can provide you with the insights and skills to resolve your marital troubles and build a healthy lifelong partnership based on fondness and mutual understanding. Learn here more about marriage conflicts resolutions tips and guides.
