How to Resolve Conflict in Marriage

Marriage can be filled with immense joy, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. If unresolved, ongoing conflict in marriage can lead to resentment, emotional distance, and reduced marital satisfaction.

However, by learning constructive ways to manage conflict, couples can strengthen their bond and enjoy a happier marriage.

In this blog post, we are sharing a list of Common Causes of Marital Conflicts and of practical tips and strategies on how to resolve disputes in marriage effectively.

Understand the Common Causes of Marital Conflicts

The first step is recognizing where marital conflicts stem from in the first place. Some of the common triggers include:

• Differences in personality or communication styles – Spouses may have contrasting temperaments that lead to miscommunication or make conflict resolution difficult. For example, one spouse may be outspoken while the other is reserved.
• Unrealistic expectations – Spouses may enter marriage with idealized expectations of their partner that are difficult to live up to, causing disappointment and arguments.
• Financial pressures – Money issues like debt, spending habits, financial goals or income disparity are frequently cited as sources of conflict among married couples.
• Changes in life stage – Major life changes like pregnancy, raising children, career shifts or aging parents can strain marriages as couples struggle to adapt.
• Lack of intimacy – A disconnected intimate relationship leaves spouses feeling unloved and rejected, eventually breeding resentment.
• Infidelity – Extramarital affairs deeply violate trust and commitment, devastating relationships.

Once you recognize the common triggers leading to conflicts, you can better prepare to handle them when they arise.

Strategies on How to Resolve Disputes in Marriage

1. Communicate with Empathy and Active Listening

Healthy communication is essential for resolving any conflict in relationships. Both spouses should try to communicate with empathy and compassion when a disagreement arises. Here are some tips:

• Listen without interrupting – Allow your partner to express their full perspective and feelings without cutting them off. Avoid being dismissive or judgmental.
• See from their viewpoint – Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes instead of looking at the issue only through your own lens. Reflect their feelings back at them so they feel heard and understood.
• Own your part – Even if you feel your partner is mostly responsible, acknowledge your own role in the conflict. Take responsibility for your mistakes.
• Use “I” statements – Speak from your own perspective using “I” instead of accusatory “you” statements. For example, say “I feel upset when my concerns are ignored” instead of “You never listen to me.”
• Validate their feelings – Let your partner know that their feelings are justified and important, even when you disagree on substance.

Better communication fosters trust, brings spouses closer and makes compromises easier to reach.

2. Address the Issue, Not the Person

When tensions are high, it’s easy to lash out and attack your spouse’s character rather than discuss the conflict itself. Avoid these unproductive strategies:

• Criticizing: Using insults and putdowns towards your partner. For example, calling them “thoughtless” or “selfish.”
• Sarcasm: Making cutting or snide remarks meant to convey scorn and contempt.
• Stonewalling: Refusing to communicate by shutting down, giving the silent treatment or walking away.
• Defensiveness: Seeing yourself as the victim and your spouse as the enemy. Lashing out or counter-blaming instead of taking responsibility.

Focus on the specific issue, not dragging in past grievances or assassinating your partner’s character. Deal just with the problem, not the person.

3. Take a Break to Cool Off If Needed

If emotions start running too high and communications break down, it can help to pause the discussion temporarily. Tell your spouse you need to take a 20-30 minute intermission to clear your head before continuing the conversation more calmly.

Use this time to engage in a relaxing activity like taking a short walk, listening to music or meditating. Avoid destructive behaviours like drinking alcohol, surfing the internet or complaining about your spouse to friends.

Agree on a time to recommence the dialogue once you’ve both cooled down and regained composure. Starting fresh can improve the chances of resolving the disagreement.

4. Compromise and Negotiate

In marriage, it’s unlikely you’ll see eye-to-eye on every issue. Compromise involves each partner letting go of something to make space for their spouse’s needs and priorities.

However, compromise does not mean surrendering your values or submitting completely to your spouse’s desires. True center means finding an amiable middle ground.

Some helpful strategies include:

• Making requests, not demands. Use a gentle tone.
• Identifying your mutual goals, interests or concerns. Find common ground.
• Coming up with multiple possible solutions and choosing the one both find acceptable.
• Taking turns making concessions back and forth until an agreement is reached.
• Focusing on the long-term well-being of the relationship over “winning” on a particular issue.

Negotiating requires patience, flexibility, and maturity from both partners. But it is necessary for conflict resolution. With practice, you can hone the ability to compromise effectively.

5. Fight Fairly and Avoid Deliberate Hurt

In the heat of an argument, we can sometimes lash out in ways we later regret. Cruel jabs are easy to make but can leave lasting scars.

To keep conflict resolution healthy and constructive, abide by the rules of fighting fairly:

• Never threaten divorce as retaliation. It breeds insecurity.
• Do not try to humiliate or verbally abuse your partner. Avoid insults.
• Don’t intentionally bring up sensitive past mistakes. Forgive.
• Never get physically aggressive. Respect your partner’s space.
• Give the benefit of the doubt; avoid assuming the worst intentions.
• Do not try to control, coerce, or manipulate your spouse.
• Take a breather rather than saying something hurtful you can’t unsay.

The goal is to limit the harm, preserve dignity, and protect the bond you share even in difficult moments.

6. Seek Outside Support If Needed

For severe or ongoing conflicts, it can help to involve a neutral third party. Many couples seek counseling or therapy to facilitate communication in a mediated environment.

Support groups, marriage seminars and faith-based guidance are other avenues to get help. Books and online resources offer DIY approaches to learning healthier conflict resolution strategies.

Seeking outside advice shows mutual commitment to improve the relationship. But both partners must be willing participants for it to work.

7. Focus on Forgiveness and Moving Forward

After resolving a conflict through compromise, it is important not to hold grudges. Foster an attitude of forgiveness.

Let go of residual anger, resentment and the desire to keep punishing your partner. To move forward after a fight, agree to give each other a clean slate.

Rather than rehashing the disagreement, shift energy towards restoring intimacy, trust, and partnership. Learn from the experience, but don’t dwell on what’s already passed.

Every married couple faces conflicts along the road. What matters is how you deal with them. With compassion, patience, and willingness to grow together, even recurring conflicts can strengthen rather than destroy your marriage.