How to Save a Marriage That Is Falling Apart

A failing marriage can feel scary and overwhelming. You may feel like your relationship is too far gone and not worth saving. But many marriages going through rough patches can be repaired with effort from both spouses.

If you want to save your marriage from falling apart, you can take several practical steps. In this blog article, we will provide actionable tips on communicating better, reconnecting emotionally, and repairing the damage in a struggling marriage.

Understand the Common Reasons Marriages Fail

The first step in saving your marriage is understanding why it is failing in the first place. Some of the most common reasons marriages fall apart include:

• Lack of communication – Failing to communicate needs, feelings and problems can create distance.
• Intimacy issues – A lack of emotional and physical intimacy leads to disconnected partners.
• Financial problems – Money struggles, debt and financial secrecy cause serious conflicts.
• Trust issues – Infidelity, lies or betrayal can severely damage trust.
• Unrealistic expectations – Couples may expect marriage to be easy without effort.
• Lack of quality time – Being too busy for your spouse feeds the disconnect.
• Life changes – New baby, job loss or health issues add stress to marriage.

Once you identify the underlying issue, you can start addressing it directly. This self-awareness helps you rebuild your marriage on a stronger foundation.

Improve Communication in Your Marriage

Poor communication leads to many marriage problems. When partners stop sharing feelings, needs and concerns openly, the relationship deteriorates. Make communication a priority with these tips:

• Schedule weekly sit-downs to talk without distractions or judgment. Avoid criticism.
• Take turns speaking and listening actively without interruption. Validate each other’s perspective.
• Discuss challenges early before small issues become major resentments.
• Apply conflict resolution skills – fight fair, no name calling, respect boundaries.
• Seek counselling to facilitate healthy communication if needed. A neutral third party can help.
• Identify each other’s love languages and communicate accordingly – words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts or acts of service.
• Share positive feelings and thoughts too, not just problems. Compliment and appreciate each other.

Better communication allows you both to be heard, understood and valued in the marriage.

Reignite Intimacy in Your Relationship

A lack of emotional and physical intimacy can make marriages fall apart. Prioritize intimacy with these tips:

• Schedule regular date nights without kids to reconnect and have fun. Try new experiences together.
• Initiate non-sexual physical touches like hugging, kissing, hand-holding or cuddling. Affection releases bonding hormones.
• Surprise each other with romantic gestures – love notes, flowers, sweet texts, mix CDs. Keep the spark alive.
• Discuss your intimacy issues openly and without blaming your partner. Collaborate to find solutions.
• Seek counseling or medical help for sexual problems or traumatic past experiences interfering with intimacy.
• Be fully present during intimacy. Turn off devices and give your partner full attention.
• Rebuild emotional intimacy through sharing, being vulnerable, and empathizing. Create a safe space for this.
• Maintain your physical appearance. Stay healthy, fit and well-groomed for each other.

Taking active steps to improve intimacy can significantly strengthen the emotional connection between spouses.

Manage Shared Finances Wisely

Money issues cause many divorces and separations. Avoid this outcome with these money management tips:

• Discuss money values, attitudes and goals openly before and during marriage to get on the same page.
• Create a shared budget accounting for savings, debt repayment, investments and discretionary expenses. Review it regularly.
• Set financial priorities and work as a team. Adjust spending to match preferences.
• Split expenses somewhat based on income if there is a significant disparity. Communicate about big purchases.
• Discuss job loss or financial emergencies immediately and problem-solve together. Keep resentment at bay.
• Seek help from a financial advisor or counselor if needed to manage debt, increase savings or resolve ongoing conflicts over money.
• Build an emergency fund to handle unexpected costs without dipping into retirement savings or taking on credit card debt.

Managing finances cooperatively leads to better decisions that benefit the entire family.

Rebuild Broken Trust Wisely

Major breaches of trust like infidelity, substance abuse, betrayal or abandonment can rupture marriages. Repair broken trust with:

• The untrustworthy partner owns the hurt they caused, expresses genuine remorse and seeks forgiveness. No excuses.
• The hurt partner communicates pain and needs clearly. Anger must give way to solution-focused communication.
• Seek counselling to facilitate healing conversations. Therapists help reconcile broken trust.
• The untrustworthy partner proves their commitment to the marriage through changed behaviour over time.
• The hurt partner extends some trust cautiously as positive changes continue. Small gestures of trust enable healing.
• Focus on creating new positive memories together to reinforce the rebuilt bond.
• Fully commit to monogamy and agreed boundaries. Transparency helps reinforce trust.

With consistent effort, intimacy can be restored in marriages affected by betrayal. The breached trust must be earned back slowly.

Spend Quality One-on-One Time

Making your spouse a priority nourishes the marriage. But busy lives get in the way, especially after kids. Counteract this with dedicated couple time:

• Schedule daily check-ins to talk and emotionally reconnect sans multitasking.
• Establish weekly date nights for just the two of you. Get a sitter if needed.
• Take regular weekend getaways to focus on each other without daily responsibilities and distractions.
• Share activities you both enjoy – hiking, dancing classes, games nights, volunteering, double date nights.
• Display photos of just the two of you to reinforce your primary relationship amid demanding careers and family life.
• Discuss limiting work travel, long hours or relocation if it is detracting from the marriage. Prioritize each other.
• Set devices aside during quality time. Reduce social media scrolling in each other’s presence.

Carving out consistent one-on-one time helps nourish intimacy and partnership.

Seek Outside Support If Needed

You don’t have to save a struggling marriage all on your own. Seeking outside support can help turn things around.

• Enlist a professional marriage counselor for customized guidance and mediation. Therapy helps develop skills for communicating and connecting effectively. Online counseling is an affordable option.
• Read insightful books and articles that provide concrete steps for repairing marriages. Follow their roadmaps.
• Listen to podcasts and watch videos from marriage experts. Their advice can prove very useful.
• Confide in trusted, supportive friends and family for encouragement. Avoid venting constantly or revealing private marital issues though.
• Participate in marriage education workshops and retreats. They provide structure and community.
• Seek spiritual counsel and practical help from religious leaders if you belong to a church or place of worship.

Use outside support strategically while taking ownership over your marriage’s repair.

Making Your Spouse a Priority

When your energies are drained by demanding jobs, parenting, chores, hobbies or socializing with others, your marriage loses priority status, risking its downfall. Avoid this with:

• Regular check-ins on how you both feel the marriage is going. Discuss issues immediately before resentment builds.
• Weekly date nights without fail for fun bonding. Get creative with dates.
• Shared leisure activities you both enjoy to reinforce friendship and partnership.
• Removing distractions during time together – no TV, phones off, kids occupied.
• Consistent gestures of affection – hugs, compliments, hand-holding, thoughtfulness.
• Surprising each other with effort – planned dates, sweet texts, treating their love language.
• Expressing gratitude regularly for each other’s efforts. Praise each other when deserved.
• Making each other a priority communicates unconditional love and deep commitment to the marriage.

Conclusion

Turning around a failing marriage requires effort, self-awareness and commitment from both partners. But many relationships going through rough times can be repaired by communicating openly, re-establishing intimacy and trust, overcoming problems constructively as a team, and prioritizing each other consistently despite life’s demands.

Most marriages facing challenges can be fortified with mutual understanding and active effort.