Fix a Sexless Marriage

A sexless marriage is typically defined as one in which a couple has sex less than 10 times per year. While this issue can stem from medical problems, stress, or other factors, it often leaves both partners feeling disconnected and unhappy.

The good news is there are steps you can take to bring back intimacy and strengthen your bond. In this blog post, i am going to share tips and techniques for reigniting passion in a sexless relationship.

How Common is a Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage is typically defined as one in which a couple has sex fewer than 10 times per year. Various studies estimate these types of marriages account for 10-15% of all marriages. However, other research puts the figure as high as 20%.

Sexless marriages are more common among older couples—those aged 50 and above. But they can affect couples of all ages. Lack of sex is in fact one of the most common conflicts brought up by couples seeking marriage counseling. So while sexless marriages are a minority, they are still a widespread issue impacting many couples.

What Are the Signs of a Sexless Marriage?

There are a few key signs that may indicate you are in a sexless or low-sex relationship:

• Sex happens less than 10-15 times per year, or not at all.
• One or both partners avoid intimate situations. There is minimal kissing, touching or flirting.
• Interactions lack affection or sensuality. Discussions tend to focus solely on practical matters.
• One partner withdraws emotionally or physically. There is limited communication.
• Both partners struggle with decreased satisfaction. There may be feelings of loneliness and disconnect.
• Tension, arguments or awkwardness tend to arise around sexual initiation.
• Sex feels like an obligation or chore when it does happen. It may be routine or predictable.

If these signs resonate with your relationship, you may be dealing with intimacy issues that require proactive solutions.

What Are the Causes of a Sexless Marriage?

There are diverse reasons a marriage can become sexless or passionless. Common causes include:

• Physical issues like erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, pain or medical conditions.
• Psychological problems like depression, stress, trauma, poor body image or mood medication side effects.
• Hormonal changes from menopause, post-childbirth, breastfeeding or endometriosis.
• Negative relationship dynamics like power imbalances, lack of connection, anger or trust issues.
• Overwhelming responsibilities like work, parenting duties or caregiving for loved ones.
• Poor communication and unwillingness to address lack of sex.
• Differing sex drives between partners. Mismatched libidos are common.
• Feeling “stuck” in routines. Sex becomes boring and predictable.
• Affair recovery. Rebuilding intimacy post-infidelity can be challenging.
• Performance anxiety or inhibitions. Negative experiences create fear.
• Personal or religious beliefs about sex.

In most cases, the causes are multi-faceted. Pinpointing and addressing the roots requires openness, empathy and professional support if needed.

What Are the Effects of a Sexless Marriage?

Couples in sexless marriages report higher levels of unhappiness and instability compared to couples who have regular intimacy. A lack of sex and sensuality often leaves one or both partners feeling:

• Rejected, unattractive or deeply unhappy. Low self-esteem results.
• Disconnected and emotionally distant from their spouse.
• Sexually frustrated or dissatisfied.
• Anxious about the marriage and potential affairs. Jealousy can emerge.
• Tempted to seek intimacy outside the marriage. Infidelity becomes more likely.
• Confused and unsure how to bridge the sexual divide.

Without active resolution, couples may grow apart over time. The marriage is at greater risk for resentment, detachment and divorce. However, even long-term sexless marriages can be repaired with mutual understanding and effort. Prioritizing intimacy before irreparable damage is key.

12 Ways to Rekindle Passion in a Sexless Marriage

1. Communicate Openly and Honestly

The first step is to openly communicate with your partner about the lack of physical intimacy. Set aside time to have an honest yet compassionate discussion about why your sex life has declined. Listen without judgment and avoid blaming. The goal is to understand each other’s perspectives and identify solutions you both feel comfortable with.

2. Make Sex and Intimacy a Priority

When sex starts fading, it’s easy to view it as dispensable. However, intimacy is a key part of any marriage. Make time for physical connection through kissing, touching, and sex. Schedule it if you have to. Protect your intimacy time from intrusions like work, screens or other distractions.

3. Re-learn Your Partner’s Body

Take time to re-explore each other’s bodies with affection and appreciation. Our erogenous zones and desires can change over time. Tuning into what currently brings each of you pleasure can enhance arousal and satisfaction.

4. Relieve Outside Stress

Often, declining sex results from being overloaded, anxious or distracted. Make time to properly relax together. Enjoy soothing activities like massage, music or long baths. Manage responsibilities so they don’t weigh on you in the bedroom.

5. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If medical, hormonal or psychological issues are causing problems, seek professional support. Sex therapy or marriage counseling can help in addressing root causes and providing intimacy tools. Medical issues may also require treatment plans.

6. Focus on Emotional Intimacy Too

While sexual connection is important, emotional intimacy is the foundation. Make sure you are prioritizing open communication, affection, trust and respect. Check-in on each other’s emotional needs outside the bedroom.

7. Experiment and Have Fun

To spice things up, consider new locales, positions, toys, role-playing, fantasies or even tantric techniques. Drop inhibitions. Approach intimacy playfully. Laughter and fun can help break the ice.

8. Identify the Problem

After initial discussions, reflect on what may be causing your intimacy issues. Were there certain events or changes that triggered the decline? Do you have any concerns about health, hormones, stress levels or body image? Are there relationship problems building resentment? Understanding the roots for both people helps find solutions. List out all potential factors to explore.

9. Make Time for Each Other

Prioritize time with your spouse for talking and activities you both enjoy. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Doing things you used to love together sparks positive emotions. Explore new experiences too. Making your partner a priority feeds intimacy. Have tech-free focused time.

10. Be Affectionate

Affection precedes arousal in many cases. Hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle and find small ways to be physically connected and demonstrate love. Compliment each other. Leave loving notes. Affection boosts oxytocin levels and makes romantic encounters more likely.

11. Be Supportive

Support your partner in reducing any stressors or burdens impacting your marriage. Offer encouragement for any personal goals or growth. Have their back when challenged. Look for small daily acts of service. Feeling supported fosters closeness.

12. Be Patient

Reconnecting sensually often requires patience. There may be awkwardness or growing pains. Healing from pain or medical treatments takes time. If you hit roadblocks, pause and regroup. Progress incremental steps, even if small. With consistent effort, intimacy can flourish again. Focus on emotional connection first.

Conclusion:

There are many routes to bringing passion back into a marriage. The essentials involve open communication, carving out private time, relieving stress, addressing underlying issues professionally, bonding emotionally, and being willing to experiment.

With patience and commitment from both partners, physical intimacy can thrive again. Don’t hesitate to get help if needed. A satisfying sex life is possible, even for couples who have gone sexless for a long time.  Learn here more intimacy in marriage and tips.

FAQs:

Q: How long can a sexless marriage last?

A: Marriages can remain sexless for years, even decades. However, the lack of physical intimacy often eventually takes an emotional toll and leads to resentment, detachment or temptations to stray. Addressing issues early offers the best chance to revive sexual connection.

Q: Is a sexless marriage normal?

A: Around 15-20% of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times per year, so sexless marriages are not uncommon. However, the absence of intimacy is still considered problematic for most marriages in the long-run.

Q: What are the 5 causes of a sexless marriage?

A: Top causes include physical issues, mental health problems, stress, poor communication, mismatched libidos, lack of connection, personal beliefs about sex and sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction or vaginismus.

Q: How do you tell your spouse you want more sex?

A: Have an honest, caring discussion about your needs and how the lack of physical intimacy makes you feel. Suggest scheduling intimate times. Emphasize emotional connection first. Seek counseling support if communicating is difficult.

Q: Is it normal to go months without sex in a marriage?

A: It’s reasonably common for many married couples to go weeks or months without sex due to things like pregnancy, major stressors or medical issues. However, if sex consistently drops off for months at a time, it points to an underlying problem to address.

Q: How can I romance my wife if she has no sex drive?

A: Try dating her again with no pressure for sex. Surprise her with flowers, dates, affection and acts of service to make her feel loved. See a doctor and counselor for potential solutions if needed. Don’t take disinterest personally.

Q: Is once a month normal for a married couple?

A: Having sex once a month or less is considered a sexless marriage. While phase of life issues can contribute, most therapists recommend finding solutions to boost intimacy if this persists long-term.

Q: Can lack of sex cause depression?

A: Yes, the emotional disconnect and rejection feelings caused by a sexless marriage can lead to depression for one or both partners. Individual counseling or couples therapy can help.

Q: Does no sex mean divorce?

A: Not necessarily. Some sexless marriages do end in divorce, but many survive through open communication and reconnection efforts. If both spouses are committed, rebooting intimacy is very possible.