Resolve Conflict in Marriage Biblically

Marriage is a sacred union between two people who love each other. However, no marriage is free from conflict. Disagreements and arguments are bound to happen even between the happiest couples.

The key is not to avoid conflicts in marriage but to resolve them in a healthy, biblical way that brings you closer together.

What Does the Bible Say About Conflict Resolution in Marriage?

The Bible provides wisdom and guidance on how married couples can resolve conflicts in a godly manner. Here are some key principles from the Bible on resolving conflict in marriage:

Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19) – When a conflict arises, be slow to get angry and defend yourself. Instead, make an effort to understand your spouse’s perspective truly.

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) – Communicate your grievances gently and without blaming your partner. The goal is to find a mutually agreeable solution, not to win an argument.

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 4:26) – Resolve conflicts promptly before letting them fester and grow. Do not go to bed angry at each other.

Bear with each other and forgive (Colossians 3:13) – Be patient, stoic, and willing to forgive. Do not keep rehashing old offences. Forgive as God has forgiven you.

Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness and humility (Colossians 3:12) – Approach your spouse with a loving, humble attitude instead of anger and pride. Think of their needs above your own.

Seek wise counsel (Proverbs 15:22) – If you cannot resolve a serious conflict on your own, seek help from a pastor or Christian marriage counsellor.

Pray together (Matthew 18:19-20) – Pray together for unity, understanding, and restoration of your relationship. God can heal hurts and bring reconciliation.

How to Apply Biblical Principles to Resolve Marital Conflicts

Here are some practical tips on using biblical wisdom to resolve disagreements with your spouse constructively:

1. Scheduling a Time to Discuss the Issue

It is important to set a specific day and time to have the discussion to resolve a conflict, so that both spouses come prepared mentally. Choose a time when both husband and wife are well-rested and not preoccupied by other pressing matters.

Pick a neutral setting like the dining table or a quiet room where they can talk without interruption. Keep the discussion time limited to an hour or two so neither gets fatigued. Having a set discussion appointment demonstrates mutual commitment to working things out.

2. Praying Before the Discussion

Husband and wife should pray together aloud before the discussion, asking God to soften their hearts and give them wisdom.

They should also spend time praying individually about the conflict, asking God to calm any anxiety and quiet any voice other than His own. Prayer invites God’s presence and reminds spouses that the goal is unity and restoration.

3. Listening Actively to Understand Your Spouse’s Perspective

It is important to give full attention without interrupting or mentally prepping a response during the discussion. Both spouses should refrain from reactive body language like eye rolls, frowns, or crossed arms and keep an open posture.

They should paraphrase what they hear using “What I hear you saying is…” to ensure accuracy and ask clarifying questions. The goal should be to listen to understand each other’s true feelings and motivations, not just their position.

4. Expressing Your Feelings and Viewpoint Calmly

Husband and wife should use “I feel…” statements to share perspectives humbly, rationally, and without assigning blame. Each should admit ways they may have contributed to the conflict and take responsibility for their part.

If emotions run high, they should take a break to regain composure before continuing. Each spouse should put themselves in the other’s shoes, expressing how the situation looks from their angle, and seek common ground.

5. Brainstorming Mutually Beneficial Solutions

Both spouses should suggest solutions and invite the other to do the same in a brainstorming spirit. They should be open and flexible to compromise, not holding rigidly to their own ideas.

The goal should be finding the win-win scenario that satisfies both spouses’ key interests to the greatest extent. If they reach an impasse, they should consider seeking outside counsel before deciding.

6. Forgiving and Letting Go

Once husband and wife reach a resolution, they should vocally extend and accept forgiveness to each other, not holding any grudges. Neither spouse should keep score or bring up the issue in future disagreements but move ahead with a clean slate.

They should focus on applying the resolution and restoring intimacy and trust rather than rehashing the conflict.

7. Sealing it With Prayer

After agreeing on a resolution, the husband and wife should seal it by praying out loud together. They should thank God for His grace and guidance.

Both should ask the Holy Spirit to unite their hearts and give them supernatural strength to abide by their decision. Praying together draws them closer and invites God’s help in cementing reconciliation.

8. Seeking Counseling if Needed

If husband and wife cannot break negative conflict patterns on their own, they should seek help from a pastor or Christian counselor.

An objective third party can discern root issues and provide tools to communicate better. Both spouses should be willing to hear hard truths, since counselling is for growth, and they should seek someone they both respect.

9. Focusing on Reconciliation

Husband and wife should recognize that conflicts will happen, so they should focus on the goal of reconciliation and growth each time. They should reflect on what they learn about themselves and each other and adjust to understand each other better.

Each spouse should let go of being right when it divides them and value restoring intimacy over winning arguments.

What Not to Do During Marital Conflicts

The Bible warns against several destructive responses that will only escalate conflicts and breed resentment in the relationship:

• Insulting or shouting at your spouse (Proverbs 15:1)
• Nursing anger and bitterness (Hebrews 12:15)
• Bringing up past grievances repeatedly (Philippians 3:13)
• Being selfish and demanding your own way (Philippians 2:3)
• Refusing to speak or communicate (Matthew 5:23-24)
• Exacerbating tensions through moodiness or manipulation (Ephesians 4:31)
• Stonewalling and refusing to deal with issues (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Foundations for Peaceful Conflict Resolution

While the Bible offers specific principles for handling marital conflicts, cultivating certain foundational traits and habits in your relationship is key to minimizing disagreements and resolving them effectively when they do occur.

1. Spend quality time together often to nurture intimacy and friendship. Share activities you both enjoy. Listen closely to each other’s joys, fears, and needs.

2. Communicate openly, gently, and respectfully in all areas. Do not avoid or silence difficult conversations. Discuss grievances promptly before resentment builds.

3. Remain committed to your marriage vows and keeping Christ at the center of your relationship, especially when you disagree.

4. Make decisions mutually. Seek unity and compromise rather than insisting on your own preference or way. Value your spouse’s input.

5. Allow each other space and freedom to be individuals. Balance togetherness with pursuing personal interests and friendships.

6. Share responsibilities equitably based on each person’s availability and abilities. Adjust as circumstances change.

7. Grant each other grace, patience and the benefit of doubt rather than keeping score. Focus on the big picture.

8. Nurture intimacy and appreciation for each other regularly, not just when conflicts happen. Surprise each other.

9. Keep egos aside. Be quick to apologize and forgive. Let go of being right when it divides you.

Conclusion

Disagreements are inevitable in any marriage. The key is being quick to restore peace, unity, and love in your relationship through biblical principles of patience, active listening, compromise, and forgiveness.

Approach marital conflicts as an opportunity to demonstrate love and grow closer together. When you make an effort to understand each other and reconcile, you honour God and build a stronger marriage that stands the test of time.