What to Do If You Catch Your Spouse Cheating

Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful can be utterly devastating. The broken trust, feelings of betrayal, and total shock of learning about the affair can quickly give way to anger, hurt, and confusion about what to do next.

While coping with infidelity may seem impossible, there are constructive steps you can take to care for yourself during this traumatic time, make informed decisions about your marriage, and begin to heal.

Recognizing the Signs of a Cheating Spouse

Suspecting infidelity is one thing, but actually catching a cheating husband or wife can make it undeniably real. Here are some of the most common signs that point to a spouse being unfaithful:

• Emotional distance, lack of affection, treating you more like a roommate
• Sudden increased interest in their appearance; dressing sharper
• Guarding devices, increased app use, clearing browser history
• Avoiding intimacy, making excuses to not be intimate
• Working late more often, unexplained absences
• Less engagement with family, secrecy about plans or schedule
• New interests, friends, hobbies, listening to different music
• Using a different credit card, hiding bank statements

While not definitive proof, these behaviors can indicate that your spouse is being unfaithful and further investigation may be warranted.

How to Catch a Cheating Spouse

Suspecting your spouse is being unfaithful is one thing, but gathering concrete proof of the infidelity can be challenging and complex. However, definitive evidence is often critical to making informed choices about how to proceed with your marriage. Here are some of the most effective methods for catching a cheating husband or wife:

1. Check Phone Records for an Affair

Phone records offer one of the quickest ways to confirm an affair. Look for any unfamiliar numbers called or texted frequently, especially late at night or during working hours.

Frequency spikes can expose a new romantic interest. Services like PhoneTracker and SpyDialer let you lookup any number on phone records to help identify the other person. Phone records provide solid documentation of an inappropriate relationship.

2. Install Monitoring Software on Devices

Keylogging software on a computer or phone secretly tracks all keystrokes and can capture messages, emails and dating app conversations providing proof of cheating. Programs like mSpy and FlexiSPY also record phone call logs, GPS locations, browser history and text messages.

Installing monitoring software on your spouse’s devices can unveil nearly all affair activities. Just be cautious about legalities depending on your state laws.

3. Check for Hidden Communication Apps

Cheaters often rely on discrete communication apps like WhatsApp, Signal or Telegram thinking their messages are secure. But a quick scan of their smartphone’s app pages may reveal concealed apps not on their main screens.

Also look for apps disguised with different icons to cover deceitful activity. A secret second phone used just for the affair is another possibility.

4. Physically Follow Your Spouse

While challenging, physically tailing your spouse’s movements for a few days can expose time spent away from work or with friends when they are actually meeting their affair partner.

Following both during work hours and after can provide tangible proof of infidelity. Consider hiring a private investigator skilled in surveillance for assistance. Just be prepared for potentially heartbreaking discoveries.

5. Install Hidden Cameras

Planting hidden cameras with audio capability around your house and property or in vehicles can capture irrefutable video evidence of a cheating spouse if you believe they are using these spaces to continue their affair.

A camera facing the driveway or front door, for example, might film the arrivals and departures of the other affair participants. Just make sure the camera angle stays trained within your property line to avoid legal issues.

6. Review Credit Card Statements Closely

Credit card accounts used for extravagant gifts, hotel stays, romantic dinners and trips related to the affair often go unnoticed. Review statements with fresh eyes to spot questionable expenditures that could confirm the suspicion of cheating.

Also, look for new credit cards you didn’t know about as secret accounts are commonplace for cheaters trying to hide affair activities and expenses.

7. Search the Garbage for Clues

As simple as it sounds, going through the garbage can uncover receipts for gifts, motel/hotel stays, wine bottles, condoms or other evidence of an affair potentially tossed out.

Shredded credit card bills and love notes are common items cheaters dispose of. Just don protective gloves and be prepared to uncover any secrets hiding in the trash.

Catching a wayward spouse in the act of cheating is no easy feat, but employing a combination of technology, surveillance methods and keen awareness of their patterns can provide the concrete proof needed to make informed choices on how to move forward.

Just be certain to consult an attorney and therapist during the process to ensure you take the high road.

What to Do Immediately After Discovering an Affair

So you’ve just confirmed that your worst fears are true. Your spouse is having an affair. The amount of pain, anger, confusion, and shock you must be feeling is devastating. Here are some steps to take right away:

Try to Stay Calm

While extremely difficult, avoid doing anything rash in the heat of the moment. Don’t confront your spouse until you’ve had time to process the situation and consider your next steps.

Confide in a Trusted Friend or Loved One

Seek emotional support from someone you trust. Don’t suffer alone. Talking it through can help ground you.

Consult a Lawyer

Schedule a consultation with a divorce lawyer to discuss your legal options regarding separation or divorce. Knowledge is power.

Start Individual Counseling

Infidelity recovery is complex. Connect with an experienced therapist who can help you work through this life-altering trauma.

Take Care of Yourself

Make self-care a top priority. Surround yourself with support, eat healthy foods, stick to routines, and get plenty of rest during this stressful time.

Hold Off on Making Any Major Decisions

Avoid making any big life changes like moving out, filing for divorce, or confronting your spouse until you’ve had time to think clearly and consider all options.

Gather Evidence

Discreetly collect proof of the affair through methods like checking phone records, installing keyloggers, or hiring a private investigator. This evidence can help with decision-making down the road.

Deciding Whether to Stay or Go After an Affair

Learning your spouse has been unfaithful forces you into making some very difficult decisions about the fate of your marriage. Here are some important factors to weigh when deciding to stay or leave the relationship:

The Reasons Behind the Affair

Understanding why your spouse was unfaithful, and whether those factors could be addressed or resolved, can determine if the marriage is worth saving.

Owning the Affair

A spouse who takes accountability for their actions and is committed to rebuilding trust is more likely to stop cheating. Blaming you for the affair signals unremorsefulness.

No Other Instances of Infidelity

A one-time affair may be easier to move past versus a serial cheater with multiple betrayals spanning years.

Commitment to Healing the Relationship

The willingness of both spouses to work hard in counseling, improve communication, and repair the marriage makes reconciliation more feasible.

History Together

Longer marriages with children, shared assets, friendship, and many prior good years are often viewed as worth fighting for.

Gut Feeling

Listen to your inner compass. If you don’t envision ever fully regaining trust after such a profound betrayal, separation may be healthiest.

How to Heal After a Spouse’s Affair

Regardless of whether you leave or try restoring your marriage after infidelity, healing from the trauma takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself through the process. Here are some strategies to help you recover:

• Seek individual counseling to process the grief and start rebuilding your self-esteem. Having support is critical.
• Confide in trusted friends and family who can listen without judgment and affirm your feelings are normal.
• Journal about your emotions and the situation to help make sense of it all.
• Find activities that help calm anxieties like exercise, yoga, meditation, or spending time in nature.
• Consider joining a support group, online or in-person, for people coping with infidelity. Knowing you aren’t alone helps.
• Rediscover activities and passions that bring you joy, and fulfillment and boost your confidence.
• Give yourself space and time away from your spouse when needed to gain perspective.
• Set firm boundaries requiring honest communication and accountability to build back broken trust.
• Be compassionate with yourself on hard days. Healing is a rollercoaster ride. There will be ups and downs.

Coping with a cheating spouse is an incredibly challenging life experience. But taking it one day at a time, utilizing support, and implementing healthy coping strategies allows you to grieve the loss, process the trauma, and eventually move forward into the life you deserve. Learn here more about cheating spouses-related tips and guidance.