Signs of Disloyalty in a Relationship

Trust and loyalty are the foundations of any healthy relationship. When those pillars begin to crack or crumble completely, it generally signals deeper issues within the partnership.

Disloyalty can take many different forms, some more overt than others. Being attuned to changes in your significant other’s behavior and to shifts in the emotional tenor of the relationship can help reveal possible betrayals before they escalate.

While every couple has their own definition of fidelity based on established boundaries and mutual expectations, there are some common red flags that tend to indicate disloyalty across most relationships.

Here are 15 potential signs of disloyalty to keep an eye out for:

1. They Become More Secretive with Their Phone and Online Activity

Perhaps the most universal sign of cheating is when your partner suddenly becomes extremely private and protective of their phone, computer, and online accounts.

If they used to freely hand over their unlocked phone but now jerks it back anxiously when you glance at the screen, that shift should prompt further probing. They may also toggle between apps quickly when you enter the room or position their phone face down constantly.

2. Their Social Media Activity Changes Dramatically

Along with increased phone secrecy, changes in your partner’s social media habits can also signal disloyalty. For example, if they used to post pictures of you as a couple but now only share selfies or scenic shots, it could mean they are cultivating a different online identity.

Or if their number of followers/friends suddenly spikes but consists of more strangers than familiar faces, they may be focused on attracting outside attention.

3. They Begin Staying Out Later More Often

When your partner starts extending their girls/guys nights out later and later without reasonable explanations or begins arriving home smelling like alcohol and cigarettes when they don’t smoke or drink much usually, it could point toward deception. Even occasional unaccounted for lateness can be an early indicator of clandestine plans with someone else behind your back.

4. You Notice Changes in Their Grooming/Hygiene Routines

Catching your significant other putting much more effort into their physical appearance on a daily basis can signal an attempt to impress another person.

This might include getting in better shape, adopting new hair and clothing styles, experimenting with cosmetics, purchasing trendier attire, and so on. Heavy splurging on salon services and beauty products and updating their wardrobe can also indicate infidelity.

5. They Become Abnormally Happy After Seeming Distant

When your partner withdraws emotionally, appearing moody, stressed or distracted during their normal routine and then perks back up to their old enthusiastic selves for no apparent reason, it may point to an exciting new romantic interest behind the scenes. These sudden mood shifts between coldness and elation can indicate they are weighing sticking with you versus pursuing their affair partner.

6. They Pick Fights and Arguments Easily

If your previously patient, calm partner has lately turned quick-tempered and provocative over small disagreements, it might be an attempt to justify pulling away from the relationship. People involved with someone else often subconsciously prompt arguments at home to create an excuse to storm off and meet up with their lover instead.

7. They Become More Private with Their Schedule/Plans

In addition to increased phone/online secrecy, when a partner conceals major chunks of their daily schedule from you for no valid reason or gives vague, implausible explanations for where they were, they likely have something to hide.

Especially take note if the times/places they are cagey about align with when you tried to call/text but couldn’t reach them and received no response.

8. You Catch Them in Outright Lies

Catching your significant other telling outright, provable lies should instantly set off alarm bells, especially if they respond defensively or angrily when confronted with evidence contradicting their claims. While little white lies occur occasionally in most relationships, outright deceit points strongly toward betrayal. Make sure to log these incidents and details carefully for future reference.

9. They Bring Up Divorce/Breaking-Up More Often

Increased talk from your partner about splitting up when things seemed perfectly stable before can indicate they have one foot out the door already. Whether stated bluntly in the heat of an argument or vaguely hinted at through jokes and hypotheticals, hearing divorce/break-up references from someone who previously discussed your shared future may reveal their changing priorities.

10. They Become More Romantically Flirtatious with You

Ironically, unexpected renewed romantic intensity including more frequent sex, playful flirting, passionate kisses, thoughtful gifts, or effusive praise from a previously unaffectionate partner can also signal betrayal driven by guilt. They may attempt to cover up the affair by convincing you and themselves that your relationship is stronger than ever.

11. They Accuse You of Cheating Frequently

In line with the common psychological tendency to project our own objectionable impulses onto others, you may notice your partner becomes unusually inquisitive, suspicious or outright accusatory about your faithfulness though you have provided no reasons for doubt. Their intense jealousy and obsession with your fidelity can stem from assuming you must also be cheating.

12. Your Intuition Continually Nags that Something is Off

That inner gut feeling that something shifty is going on regardless of outward appearances should not be ignored. If you catch your partner contradicting themselves, sporting suspicious marks/items, or displaying other subtly evasive behaviors, acknowledge that inner voice alerting you to perform further due diligence regardless of how strong your trust may be.

13. Friends/Family Members Express Concern About their Fidelity

Be extra discerning if those closest to you both start voicing worries about your partner’s faithfulness based on vibe changes they have picked up on. While outside parties do not have the full story, those familiar with your relationship history often keenly sense subtle emotional shifts occurring behind the scenes through body language and other subconscious cues.

14. Their Travel Stories Stop Lining Up

Pay attention if your jet-setting partner returns from their frequent business travels full of disjointed anecdotes and confusing references to places and people that don’t match up with their original itinerary. Jumbled storylines that immediately shift under follow-up questioning can point to overlapping trysts in multiple cities.

15. A Direct Confession of Infidelity

Of course, the most unambiguous proof comes when your significant other directly confesses to cheating or getting entangled emotionally/physically with someone else behind your back.

But short of that vivid smoking-gun admission verified with evidence, be alert for the more subtle signs listed above which suggest intimacy and loyalty have strayed outside of your relationship.

In Conclusion

Noticing one or two of the behaviors above does not always definitively prove disloyalty. Honest conversations with your partner should clarify any vague issues.

However, when you spot multiple infidelity red flags converging at once, it becomes difficult to justify or ignore the likelihood that deception is afoot. As the saying goes, where there’s smoke there’s usually fire. Tackling dishonesty head-on early gives relationships the best chance to recover or dissolve respectfully if irreparable.