Deal With a Sexless Marriage as a Woman

A sexless marriage can leave both partners, especially women, feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. While the commonly cited definition of a sexless marriage is having sex fewer than 10 times per year, some consider it to be when your sexual needs aren’t being met by your partner.

Regardless of the exact threshold, not having enough physical intimacy in your relationship can negatively impact your self-esteem, happiness and quality of life.

As a woman in a sexless marriage, you may feel undesirable, insecure and disconnected from your spouse. However, there are some constructive ways for you to cope and address the situation before it damages your relationship further.

This guide covers tips and strategies to help you strengthen communication with your husband, work through underlying issues, seek counseling, maintain intimacy through other means, consider opening up the marriage and more.

Communicate Your Feelings and Needs

The first step is to talk openly with your husband about your sexual needs not being sufficiently met. Frame it from your own perspective using “I feel…” statements rather than accusations.

For example, “I feel undesired and my self-worth takes a hit when we don’t connect intimately for long periods” rather than “you never want to have sex with me.”

Explain that physical intimacy holds more meaning for you than just pleasure – it makes you feel loved, wanted and bonded with him.

If there are external factors lowering his sex drive like work stress, health issues or low testosterone, discuss ways to alleviate those problems. Be solutions-focused and offer to work together toward more frequent and satisfying sex for both of you.

Schedule Intimate Time

One practical strategy is to set aside designated times just for intimacy when you’ll focus completely on each other without distractions. Even if he may not always be in the mood initially, scheduling sex can often set the intent and get things started.

Think of intimacy as you would other important commitments on your calendar that you wouldn’t cancel or dismiss.

Plan at least 1-2 intimate sessions per week and build up anticipation by flirting in between. Send him flirty texts expressing how much you desire him.

Boost your confidence with lingerie, date nights and activities that make you feel alluring. The more exciting and emotionally connected sex becomes, chances are your husband will start looking forward to it.

Seek Marriage Counseling

If straightforward conversations aren’t breaking through to your spouse, enlist help from a professional marriage counselor trained in sex therapy.

They can facilitate productive dialogues, get to the root of any underlying issues like resentment or loss of physical attraction, teach methods for reconnecting intimately and assign “homework” exercises to improve sexual frequency/satisfaction.

With a neutral mediator guiding discussions and a structured approach, counseling often achieves better outcomes than struggling alone in frustration. If your husband refuses to participate, go yourself initially – the therapist can still provide useful advice tailored to your situation.

Practice Intimacy and Affection Outside the Bedroom

While sexual intercourse is important, don’t underestimate the bonding power of physical affection like hugging, kissing, cuddling, back rubs and holding hands.

The oxytocin hormone released from touch strengthens feelings of attachment. Non-sexual intimacy promotes relational well-being and can even kindle greater sexual desire.

Practice intimacy with no pressure or expectation of it escalating into sex. Just cherish affection for the purpose of feeling close.

Your mindset driving interactions with your spouse also matters hugely – focus on generosity rather than taking, listen and prioritize them before your own immediate needs. Such an outward rather than inward approach can work wonders.

Explore Counseling Retreats

Several counseling centers offer intensive couple’s therapy retreats in serene settings removed from everyday distractions. The focus is totally on reconnecting emotionally and physically with your partner under the guidance of marriage counselors and therapists.

The multi-day format accelerates progress through immersive relaxation, intimate dialogs, sensory awareness activities focused on touch and vulnerability exercises.

These retreats aim to help couples having intimacy issues rediscover their sexual chemistry and passion within an reflective environment optimized for bonding, free from work demands and children.

While not inexpensive, such programs have promising outcomes – investigate reputable options that seem a structured fit. A relationship renewal experience focused wholly on you two could prove transformative.

Consider Ethical Non-Monogamy

After exhausting counseling efforts over a prolonged timeframe without improvement in your sexual wellbeing, you may need to face tough decisions.

Continuing to endure a sexless union long-term will likely breed only mounting anguish. In certain circumstances, ethical forms of non-monogamy can offer remedies.

By negotiating an open marriage, you preserve the relationship while satisfying unmet needs elsewhere. However, pursuing this path obligates putting in work to overcome jealousy, establish trust through honesty and agree on clear guidelines upfront regarding boundaries, safety precautions and what information will be disclosed between partners.

While unconventional arrangements like open marriages or polyamorous setups still face stigma in mainstream society, they provide last-resort solutions if all else fails after good faith efforts.

Every couple has unique dynamics and priorities – only you two can decide what keeps your union intact, functional and content for all parties involved.

Prioritize Your Own Happiness

Don’t stay trapped indefinitely in a marriage that crushes your self-esteem and suffocates emotional/sexual fulfillment.

After applying your best efforts collaboratively toward reviving intimacy unsuccessfully for an adequate timeframe, you’re justified to walk away if your partner remains unwilling to address issues destroying the relationship from within.

At a juncture, continuing to sacrifice your most fundamental well-being and life passions for the label of marriage no longer works – the framework meant to provide stability cracks you instead. While divorce proves daunting, so too does enduring two decades more of a lonely, touch-starved existence devoid of care, desire and joy day after grueling day.

Before both your dignity and prime years pass by resigned to profound loneliness, assert your worth and pursue the intimate connections inherent to happiness.

With support and renewed purpose, build a life aligned with your values – no matter how late, freedom to seek profoundly fulfilling bonds exists. Marriage proving destructive doesn’t negate your beauty and passions within.

Conclusion:

The lack of physical intimacy in a marriage can slowly poison two peoples’ bond, trust and self-concept. Without earnest effort from both to treat issues quickening this corrosion, the union risks incurable damage.

But through vulnerable authenticity, professional help, compassion and sometimes unconventional remedy, pathways back to sexual and emotional vibrancy between partners stand possible. With pragmatic work and courage, the connection can thrive beautifully once more.