Things Your Cheating Spouse Doesn’t Want You to Know
Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful can be utterly devastating. Aside from the heartbreak and betrayal, you’re also left wondering why it happened and what’s going to happen next.
Your cheating spouse likely goes to great lengths to hide the affair from you. But there are subtle signs and things they’d rather keep secret that can help expose the truth.
Here are 10 things your cheating spouse doesn’t want you to find out:
1. Their Changed Routines
One of the most obvious yet overlooked signs of a cheating spouse is a change in their daily routines. If your spouse starts coming home later than usual, working longer hours, or going out more frequently, it could point to an affair.
Your spouse will make excuses about working late or meeting with friends to cover up time spent with their lover. Pay attention to any deviations from normal routines or schedules that are left unexplained.
2. Excessive Guarding of Phone or Computer
A spouse who’s cheating will become increasingly possessive of their phone, computer, or other devices. They don’t want you stumbling onto incriminating texts, emails, social media messages, or apps used to communicate with the other person.
Excessive guarding of devices, password-protecting everything, or abruptly turning screens away when you enter the room are major red flags. Your cheating partner doesn’t want you accessing their technology.
3. Increased Credit Card Charges
Unless you have joint financial accounts, your cheating spouse will try to hide any credit card charges that could reveal the affair – gifts, hotel stays, meals, travel, etc.
Unexplained charges, cash withdrawals, or opening new credit cards may signify they’re financially supporting their secret rendezvous. Compulsive monitoring of bank accounts can tip you off.
4. Sudden Changes in Appearance
When your spouse is cheating, their appearance will likely start to change as well. They’ll spend more time focusing on looks to impress their lover, whether it’s losing weight, buying new clothes, or getting haircuts.
You may also notice them adopting different styles, wearing racier, more youthful clothing, or even different perfume/cologne to please the other person.
5. Secrecy with Social Media Activity
Social media provides easy ways for cheaters to privately connect with their affair partners. They may secretly exchange likes, comments, DMs, and delete them afterward so you won’t notice.
Using platforms you don’t share with them or being deceptive about social media friendships can be giveaways. Your spouse doesn’t want you to see interactions with their lover.
6. Unaccounted Mileage on Vehicle
Driving to and from rendezvous with their affair partner secretly racks up mileage on your spouse’s vehicle. Depending on the distance, the numbers might not align with their typical work commute or claimed whereabouts.
Your cheating partner may use different, questionable explanations to justify the additional miles driven. But repeatedly higher odometer readings can expose their deceit.
7. Vanishing Free Time
As your spouse becomes more absorbed in the affair, expect their availability during nights, weekends, and free time to vanish mysteriously. They’ll pretend to be working, running errands, or visiting with friends.
The reality is that your cheating partner is devoting spare time to their secret lover. Their shady excuses cover up the affair, but the suddenly busier schedule is telling.
8. Secretive Online Activity
Your spouse’s online behaviors will likely get more deceptive as they use technology to facilitate the affair. This includes things like using incognito/private browsing, deleting browsing history, buying a secret phone, and creating private email or social media accounts.
They want to prevent you from cyber-snooping and finding out what they’re really doing – conversing online with and arranging meetups with the other person.
9. Unexplained Expenditures
Unless you share all financial accounts, your cheating partner probably conceals money spent on the affair. Things like gifts, hotel rooms, dinners, travel, lingerie – even a prepaid cell phone – require funds they’ll hide from you.
Watch for suspicious ATM withdrawals, increased credit card usage, or stashes of unaccounted-for cash your spouse thinks you won’t notice. The paper trail exposes their spending lies.
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Indifference Towards You
A spouse embroiled in an affair becomes increasingly apathetic towards their marriage partner. They criticize you more, instigate arguments, and exhibit blatant indifference about your feelings or needs in the relationship.
Why? Because their attention and energy is focused on the affair partner now. The shift in their attitude, emotional disconnect, and lack of interest in you is a clear sign of their betrayal.
What to Do If You Suspect Your Spouse is Cheating
Discovering a spouse’s affair is traumatic, but taking certain steps can help protect you legally and financially while coping with the emotional fallout. Here’s what to do if you suspect your partner’s unfaithfulness:
- Gather evidence discreetly – Account records, receipts, photos, screenshots, text/chat logs, emails etc. can document the cheating. Just be cautious accessing devices to avoid tipping them off.
- Speak with a divorce lawyer – Learn your legal rights and options regarding custody, assets, alimony, and child support if you decide to separate or divorce.
- Get STD tested – Infidelity brings risks of sexually transmitted diseases. Schedule testing with your doctor to be safe.
- Build your support system – Turn to close friends and family for emotional support during this difficult time. Join support groups with others experiencing infidelity.
- Seek professional counseling – A therapist can help you process feelings, navigate the crisis in a healthy way, and decide next steps like reconciliation or letting go.
- Prioritize self-care – Make time for sufficient sleep, nutrition, exercise and activities that reduce your stress levels and boost your mood. Don’t neglect yourself.
- Postpone major decisions – Hold off on definitive choices about the fate of your marriage until intense emotions subside and you can think clearly. Time eases pain.
Coping with infidelity requires understanding and patience with yourself. With helpful resources and people by your side, you have the ability to emerge stronger. The future brings the opportunity to heal and create the life you want. Learn here more about the marriage problems guide.